Horse Hood
Can Canyon Man Keep Up His Fight Against Technology?
Nowadays, it’s pretty much a given that we have entered what can only be considered the modern age (though the so-called ‘modern age’ supposedly started in 1700). In fact, modernity is everywhere one cares to look, and even the Amish are getting in on the act, putting new ultralight horseshoes on their animals that promise 50 miles per bag of oats, at minimum.
However, there’s one guy who is still refusing to leave the Age of Sail and get with at least the Age of Aquarius, let alone the age of digital cellular communication. Known as ‘Canyon Man, ‘ this guy can be seen working under his car every Sunday morning, surrounded by a cloud of noxious exhaust fumes whenever it’s running. If he has his way, he’ll even be buried in that car, sad to say.
Indeed, he’s running around with a leather watch band and an old analog watch that was a gift to him from his father when he graduated from elementary school back when Lyndon Johnson was running the show down in Washington DC. And it’s not all about nostalgia or his father, either; this guy really doesn’t know what to do with a digital watch and would probably run in horror from it if you got him one.
Canyon Man is also uncomfortable with any sort of viewing technology when it comes to a television that doesn’t have something to do with a large picture tube sitting inside of a console that that resembles the log cabin that Abraham Lincoln probably went to law school in or something that Noah threw overboard once his ark made landfall.
For those considering tying Canyon Man down and gifting him with a custom LCD TV, forget about it. Not only wouldn’t he even come close to touching it, but he probably would go into a catatonic trance if he heard the words ‘digital video disc player.’ At a minimum, he would go frothy-mouthed with rage at being forced to watch even a video cassette, not that he could probably announce the word anyway.
What will Canyon Man do when he realizes that the television he owns can no longer pick up signals without the benefit of something called a ‘digital converter box?’ He may just pass out after hearing the words ‘digital converter box, ‘ in fact. He probably would also suffer a fatal cardiac event if he heard ‘liquid crystal display’ and how it’s lit through means of LED backlight technologies. It’ll be just too much for him and his brain, unfortunately.
For many of us, the fight that Canyon Man engages in to avoid all of the wonders of modern technology is important because we’re the ones who are going to have to put up with him as we move into even more high-tech adventures. There probably won’t be a seat on the bus for a guy wearing a leisure suit, let alone anybody having the patience to deal with the cloud of smoke from his car’s exhaust.
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