Horse Horseshoe
Can Canyon Man Keep Up His Fight Against Technology?
Nowadays, it’s pretty much a given that we have entered what can only be considered the modern age (though the so-called ‘modern age’ supposedly started in 1700). In fact, modernity is everywhere one cares to look, and even the Amish are getting in on the act, putting new ultralight horseshoes on their animals that promise 50 miles per bag of oats, at minimum.
All kidding aside about the Amish, it’s still a fact that there’s one guy running around — who last updated his wardrobe when Dick Clark was a swinging young man fresh from Philadelphia — around the neighborhood. Call him ‘Canyon Man, ‘ and make sure to also call him a mechanic to help him repair the 40-year-old heap in front of his house he refuses to part with, even to the point of wanting to be buried in it.
Indeed, he’s running around with a leather watch band and an old analog watch that was a gift to him from his father when he graduated from elementary school back when Lyndon Johnson was running the show down in Washington DC. And it’s not all about nostalgia or his father, either; this guy really doesn’t know what to do with a digital watch and would probably run in horror from it if you got him one.
This man is also completely horrified by the thought of looking at any sort of television that doesn’t come wrapped in a huge wooden console that probably was made from the oak timbers of a Revolutionary war-era sailing ship that once carried John Paul Jones around, with an equally elderly picture tube, to boot. It’s kind of disquieting to think of this, though it’s also very true.
For those considering tying Canyon Man down and gifting him with a custom LCD TV, forget about it. Not only wouldn’t he even come close to touching it, but he probably would go into a catatonic trance if he heard the words ‘digital video disc player.’ At a minimum, he would go frothy-mouthed with rage at being forced to watch even a video cassette, not that he could probably announce the word anyway.
What is this man going to do when he is forced to confront the fact that TV is no longer beamed over the airwaves in the analog world? Will he become a ‘New Age Digital Man’ or will he refuse to give in to the inevitable when it comes to a new television and the LED backlight technology that makes one so slim that he would be afraid to approach it for fear that aliens would kidnap his brain?
The question, then about whether or not modern technology will overwhelm the Canyon Man is an important one, if not for him than for the rest of us who have to put up with him and his obstinate refusal to get out of those disco bellbottoms and get with the real world. The blue smoke from the car is bad enough, but the wide-collared shirts and leisure suits are going to need to go.
Emergency Horse Shoe removal UNBRIDLED!
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